John McCain and Elizabeth Dole Stink!

William Shatner sat in a drab office staring at a TV monitor displaying a message he was supposed to read to a fan while signing an autograph, but "Star Trek's" Captain Kirk wasn't very happy.

"I can't do this, this is crazy," Shatner said.

The message on screen -- which was submitted by the fan -- was just too odd. But as an investor and partner in Live Autographs, a new video service in which celebrities appear on camera to deliver a personalized greeting as they sign an autograph, Shatner had to say something.

Are you nuts? You want me to say, 'When I'm smoking and sipping whiskey with Allen' -- who's Allen? -- 'I'm secretly thinking of you and your dog?'

I can't say that," Shatner added, glaring into the camera, his words dripping the trademark irony he has summoned in countless TV performances, including his Emmy-winning role as Denny Crane on the ABC courtroom drama "Boston Legal."

And with that, and his signature, it was over -- costing the fan $149 and Shatner a bit of improvisation.